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Fish Ashley Bradley

Fish

Ashley Bradley

Published April 13th 2014
ISBN :
Kindle Edition
235 pages
Enter the sum

 About the Book 

The food came and Dede was relieved. She could shovel down her chicken strips and fries, go home with Dan to get some limp but sure to be meaty dick, then sneak out of his apartment to go home and spend the rest of the night looking on eHarmony 2,MoreThe food came and Dede was relieved. She could shovel down her chicken strips and fries, go home with Dan to get some limp but sure to be meaty dick, then sneak out of his apartment to go home and spend the rest of the night looking on eHarmony 2, the knock-off eHarmony site she had to join when the real one rejected her. She was over her delusions about Dan/Elvis. Her fantasies about marrying him only to be suffocated on their honeymoon night because hed rolled over onto her in his sleep. No, now all Dede wanted was Malcolm X. Or any obnoxious, righteous black dude wearing hipster frames. Preferably, he has a side part. Bang, like that, a new type. Dede was excited. Or, at least, momentarily distracted from her humdrum, totally insignificant life and existence.Dan - Elvis - had ordered two plates of Brooklyn Spaghetti & Meatballs with a side order of chicken noodle soup. Not as an appetizer, but as a side. Dede should have known something was off right there. Who orders soup on a date? What did he have - the sniffles? At the time, Dede ignored this. Soup was like salad, right? A side. Now, having moved on to fantasies of Malcolm X yelling at her in the middle of Target, calling her a slave because she prefers the name brand cereal and not that bogus shit in the bags - now - the chicken soup was weird.Whyd you order soup? Dede asked with a mouthful of french fry mush. You like soup?No, Dan was offended. No, I dont like soup. As if this could not have been more clear, and why would anyone, anyway? I ordered because... he untucked his flannel and pulled out a bag of hair. Because Im a genius, he smiled, and suddenly Dede was transported into a shack or swamp or a shack on a swamp in Nawlins.Why do you have that hair? Dede asked carefully.He opened the bag and pulled out a clump of hair, then dumped it into his bowl of soup, Thats why.It was funny how that answered absolutely nothing. Actually, it inspired more questions. Whats why?You see, Dan grinned, proud of himself, Its all very simple. Im going to scream. Then, someone who works here, most likely our lovely waitress Kelly, will come over and ask whats wrong. Ill point, horrified, at my bowl of soup. Theres hair in my soup, Ill say. Kelly will get whoevers in charge. Im so sorry, hell say. Please accept our sincerest apologies and your meal is on the house, of course. Not exactly those words, but you get it. You get whats about to transpire.No... Dede tried to scream but it croaked out like a dying mans last words. She tried again by simply shaking her head, now rendered utterly speechless.Whats wrong? Dan asked, not concerned, but annoyed. Whats wrong with you?After Dennys kicked them out and banned Dan from ever coming back, he pulled a pistol from the waist of his jeans and shot himself in the mouth. Hilariously, he didnt die. Kelly rolled her eyes and went to phone for an ambulance, annoyed Dan would have to remain on their premises until someone could come and cart his big, bloody ass away.Dede, however, could fucking go right now, leave. It was weird how none of the Dennys staff asked her if she was Dans wife or even girlfriend or maid. They just kept shooing her away, even after Dan got all his head guts all over her brand-new Hello Kitty purse. This is bullshit! Dede had screamed at all of that fucking blood getting on her super cute purse. I just bought this!On her walk home - because Dede doesnt have a car because that shit costs money and oh, look, alcoholism - Dede decided to stop off at the liquor store. Two jugs of vodka, please, to drown out the memory of Dan and the pain of her new beautiful Hello Kitty strap purse getting ruined by his stupid failed suicide attempt. Dede had been saving up a whole year for that purse due to spending most of her money on alcohol usually and stuff. But shed done it - she saved! And now it was ruined and she...